


Therapy

by MisguidedMind



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Denial, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mind Games, Psychologist Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Build, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 01:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8558305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisguidedMind/pseuds/MisguidedMind
Summary: Eren may or may not have problems that he needs professional help for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> New story! c:  
> The others will be updated soon as well. I've just had this one on my mind for a while now.  
> Enjoy, hopefully!

Levi had been about to pack his things together and leave his office when a knock resounded in the small room. A sigh, too soft for anyone to hear, left his thin lips as he answered with a bored sounding, “Come in.” It didn't take long until the door was swung open, a rather thin, tanned boy standing in the doorway.

“I'm sorry, but you must've confused the room number, I don't have anyone scheduled for Friday evening,” the raven said so casually, leaving no room for arguing.

But the boy just smiled, unaffectedly. “I'm pretty sure I'm in the right room, doctor. In fact, I'm Grisha's son, and he specifically sent me here, because you usually were free on Friday evenings.”

“And just why did doctor Jaeger send you to me?” Levi wondered aloud. It just seemed a bit absurd to him, the fact that his boss had sent his son down here instead of coming in himself. 

“Well, it's about me, in fact. I haven't been doing so well lately. Insmonia, mostly. My mother got sick recently and I've been worrying too much, I guess. My father said you were one of the best psychologists he has here, and that he believes you could help me, Sir.” Eren's words were clear, and as far as Levi could tell, Eren surely did have his way with words. At least, his little speech had been enough to grab Levi's attention in a way he wasn't quite used to. Even weirder than that though, was the fact that Eren's problems seemed in no way extraordinary. Having worked in this field for some time now, Levi had become used to very weird, disgusting, shocking, and even saddening back stories, problems and habits. Things that went further than the usual, 'I'm feeling a bit worn out.” Things that held his interest, usually.

Maybe the fact that his boss's son was the one concerned was what made the whole thing seem more serious. 

Bright eyes looked straight into Levi's, cornering him and demanding an answer with his gaze alone. Something about the kid did bother Levi in a way he could not currently put into words.

“Help you, as in therapy sessions?” Levi asked, cautiously. 

“Exactly,” the boy affirmed. 

“Starting when?” 

“This evening, preferably. If you've got nothing else planned, of course,” the brunette grinned. 

Levi's eyes left the boy's, staring at the clock on the wall. 17:35. It really wasn't that late yet. He set his suitcase down beside his couch, motioning for the other to sit down on the couch opposite from him. 

“Awesome, thank you!”

“Don't worry about it, kid,” Levi said, ignoring the fact that he felt like he had something planned for the evening, he just couldn't currently remember what exactly it was. 

“Eren. I mean, it's my name. In case you'd use that rather than kid.”

Levi was startled for a second, before he caught himself, “we'll see.” 

“We'll see? Alright. How about you tell me your name, too?” He chuckled. And it made Levi realize that Eren really didn't know about the social norms that usually had people behaving in certain ways in front of a psychiatrist. Eren's strangeness was refreshing, in a way.

“It's Levi.” 

“Is that French?” 

“Is Jäger German for hunter?” Levi pointed out the obvious.

“You speak German?” 

“Honestly? No more than a few words,” Levi answered, a bit stunned at how fast this had turned into an interrogation.

“I could teach you, I mean, German. I've grown up with both English and German being spoken at home,” the boy replied excitedly. 

“Calm down kid, I thought you were here for more serious reasons than that,” Levi said calmly, not used to dealing with such childish enthusiasm. It was really something that grown-ups these days lacked, he supposed. And Levi wasn't used to having clients younger than 20 or so in general.

Eren's eyes widened as he sat down on the coach, the pillow sinking down a bit underneath him. His cheeks looked a little pink, and he cleared his throat before speaking, “I guess you're right,” he then said as if he didn't even really want to talk about those things at all. His eyes were still stuck on Levi's face.

“So, Eren, tell me about yourself. What exactly has been wrong with you lately?” Levi asked, sounding professional. “Let's start off with your symptoms here and work our way up to finding a solution.”

Eren bit his lip, and looked at the floor. “I've been very stressed. My mother's sick, my father's always working, and it sometimes feels like my own worries don't matter compared to theirs. And I mean, it makes sense. I'm just some stupid teenager after all if you know what I mean.”

 

“You don't seem that stupid to me, Eren. Besides, looking at it that way, I'm here to listen to those exact things that you’re afraid might not matter. I do think that they are worth my time. I know that this is probably new to you, and you don't need to tell me anything you're not comfortable with. Just know that I'm here to listen, not to judge.”

Eren seemed to take a second to let the words be registered in his head. Then, he smiled brightly, “Thank you, Levi.”

“..,” Levi just looked at the boy for a few seconds, his cold eyes taking in small details one might not usually notice. Like the way those eyes were shining so brightly, it was almost unnatural. Or the way he he was nervously toying around with his hands, showing Levi that Eren was more nervous about this than he let on. 

“It all started a few weeks ago. When my mother got diagnosed.. that was the first night when I've had trouble falling asleep. It was totally new to me, I'm usually out cold about one minute after laying down. My best friend moved away a week later, and I'm just not used to not having him around. Sure, I can still call him, but it's not right to overdo it. He's a shy guy, and he'll have enough trouble finding new friends as it is, without me keeping him tied to this place,” Eren said with a thoughtfulness unusual for most people his age. 

“That's noble of you,” Levi answered, his eyes straight on Eren's, “but I'm also sure that your friend won't see it that way. I imagine he'd rather spend his time helping you. We're hardly ever as annoying as we think ourselves to be. You'd want to help him, too, no matter what he'd say about it, wouldn't you?” 

“Of course I'd help him,” Eren said with absolute certainty, “but sometimes, it feels like I don't even want any help myself. I know this probanly sounds weird, considering that I'm sitting here right now. It’s just.. I don't feel like talking to people a lot lately.” 

“I completely understand what you're talking about,” said the raven haired man.

Then Levi scribbled something down. A frown came to his face as he asked the one question he always dreaded. “Just to get this out of the way, would you consider yourself a threat to either yourself or society?” 

A choked sound left Eren's mouth, and he looked away. Just about two seconds later, he started talking again, “I don't think so.” Levi let out a breath he might have been holding. 

“I'm glad to hear that. So, this far I've written down that you have sleep problems, and that you felt too stressed to function the way you did before. Does your insomnia only show in the fact that it takes you too long to fall asleep? How many hours have you been sleeping on average per night?” 

Eren was thinking for a moment, toying around with the fabric of his blue hoodie, before he answered. “At first, maybe 4.. but it's gotten worse recently. I'd say 2 on average, give or take.” 

“That's not much.” 

“It certainly isnt, sir.” Levi had to keep himself from making a face at the 'sir.’

“What exactly keeps you awake like that? Are there any reoccurring thoughts that trouble you when you're trying to sleep?” Levi asked, mindlessly playing with his pen. 

“All kinds of thoughts, yes. About my mother, about school, my friends, myself.” 

“What do you think of yourself, then?” Levi found himself asking. So far, he could tell that Eren had certain issues with self doubts, probably. As everyone did. But Levi was trying to figure out just how far Eren's went. 

“In general? Or those thoughts that trouble me?” 

“Whichever you'd like to speak about.” 

“Well, I think that I'm sometimes a little easy to anger. I worry too much about useless thing that I cannot change or even put into words afterwards. I don't think I'll ever be able to step in my father's shoes and become a famous doctor who runs a big hospital. And I think that even though he insists on it, I won't ever be able to make him proud,” said Eren before his eyes widened and he wondered how he had just so willingly told a stranger all of this. He quickly asked, “You're not allowed to tell anyone any of this, are you?” 

“Of course not, I'm not allowed to say a word to anyone unless you're a danger to anyone, including yourself.”

“Thank God,” Eren whispered, but he seemed to calm down quite fast. “That means I can really tell you anything?” 

“Anything, yes,” Levi reaffirmed. 

“Well there is one thing that I've been kind of worried about that I haven't talked about with anyone,” the brunette said, testing the words out. 

‘That certainly was fast,’ Levi thought to himself. Usually, it would take his clients quite a bit of time until they were ready to spill their secrets. 

The loud ringing of a phone cut through Levi's thoughts and stopped Eren from saying anything else. 

It took Levi a moment to recognize the phone as his, and he frowned. The phone was for emergencies only, therefore he always had it here, but it wasn't that often that it rang. 

“Sorry, just give me one minute,” he said as he stood up from his place on the couch, grabbing the device and holding it to his ear. 

“You're fucking kidding me, aren't you?” Even Eren could hear the shrill words through the speaker. Clearly. 

“Petra? What's the matter?” 

“Oh, nothing. All is fine. You honestly don't even remember?” by now, Eren could only make out muffled sounds anymore, not that he was even trying to eavesdrop.

“Remember what?” 

“You know I'd tell you to figure it out yourself, but I honestly doubt you'd be able to do even that. I've been sitting here waiting for you for about an hour. It's the fifteenth of February if that's enough of a clue for you.” 

Levi's eyes widened at that, Eren couldn't help but notice. 

“That's today?”Levi asked his girlfriend, half hoping that she was playing a trick on him. But he knew, in fact, that today was the fifteenth, he'd just forgotten that this also happened to be their anniversary. 

“I.. fuck, I'm sorry,” he tried, only to be greeted with a beeping sound, alarming him that the call was ended. 

Levi stared at his cellphone for a few seconds longer, before he snapped out of it and turned to Eren, “I'm sorry for the interruption.” 

“It's no problem, don't worry about it,” Eren said, hesitating for another second before he continued, “Is everything alright?”

“I sure hope so,” Levi answered, and coughed awkwardly.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” The younger of the two asked then, his turquoise eyes on Levi. 

“Probably not,” Levi answered. Heading home now would probably not do any good, he supposed. It would only lead to more fighting, probably. Or maybe, he was just trying to avoid it so long until he'd figured something out. That thought in mind, he asked, “what exactly were we talking about just now?” 

“I was about to tell you something no one can know right now,” Eren said, “and it's kind of hard for me to open up about this.” 

“I'm not going to tell anyone, as I said before.” 

Eren bis lip nervously, looking away and thinking hard about how to bring the message across in a way that wouldn't be too embarrassing. 

“You alright?” Levi asked, frowning thoughtfully. 

“I think I might be gay,” Eren pressed the words out of his mouth at a fast pace. 

“That was really not the kind of answer I expected,” Levi couldn't help but say, a bit stunned at the boy's outburst. 

“Do you think I can somehow stop?” 

“Stop?” Levi's eyes widened. 

“Being gay. Looking at boys rather than girls. Thinking those thoughts about them.. I just want it to stop before my father finds out,” Eren explained, as if it was all clear as day. 

“Are you daft? You cannot just change your sexuality like that. That's not the way it works,” he told the other, stunned that the boy had even come up with this plan. 

“What other ways can I try then, doctor?” Eren asked and Levi might have just imagined the meaningful look he'd sent him. 

This was not what Levi was supposed to be doing. It was February the fifteenth, he was supposed to sit in some fancy restaurant with his girlfriend, and not to explain how sexuality works to a damn kid. The son of his boss, of all kids in the world. 

 

“You can ask yourself why you'd be willing to change something as big as this about yourself by force,” Levi countered, “for someone else.”

“You think I don't know that this is gonna be hard? It's not like I wanted it to be this way, okay, but I really have to change it now or hide it for all my life, and God knows I'm not a capable liar. It's a miracle he hasn't figured it out this far,” Eren hastily spoke. 

“Calm down, we definitely don't need to panic here,” Levi said in his usual 'treat a grown up like a baby so long until their emotionally constipated state fades into verbal diarrhea’ kind of tone. 

“I'm not even panicking, but you don't know what it's like. If I tell anyone and that anyone somehow ends up telling someone else, then I'm fucked. He'll know. But, he can't know. That's why I need to do something.” 

Oh, how Levi wished a psychiatrist could just say, 'I don't know how to help you with that,’ and leave it be. Sadly, he'd have to be slightly more insightful. 

“Of course I know what it's like. It's always like that with secrets, no matter the exact problem. It starts out as this 'I'll avoid telling it for now' thing and only gets more complicated from there on.” 

“Wait, do you mean, you're gay too?” Eren asked, his eyes shimmering hopefully. 

“No,” the answer came fast, an “ I was actually just talking about this in a more general sense,” following it. 

Eren looked down at his hands thoughtfully. 

“I cannot tell him, though,” Eren started again, refusing to back down on this point. 

“You don't need to, I wasn't necessarily saying that,” Levi argued.

Levi and Eren looked at each other for probably the hundredth time today. 

“I'm not even sure about it, you know?” 

Levi's eyes narrowed as he thought of a way out of this whole topic for now. Maybe the fight with Petra hadn't left him as unaffected as he had thought. Maybe he was, in the broadest sense, feeling some sort of guilt about the whole thing. 

“What do you mean, you're not sure?” 

“I haven't felt the urge to look at too many people yet, very few hold my interest,” Eren confessed if one could call it that. 

“That's not a bad thing, you know,” Levi told him. 

“I don't think so either,” Eren breathed out, almost. “Do you think my eyes are blue or green?” 

The random question caught Levi off guard. It was like he'd been caught staring at them for too long. He decided to pay it no mind, and answered honestly, “I'm sure people come up with all sorts of cheesy names for those colors, but I honestly think they're just basically turquoise, a bit on the green side, maybe?” 

This wasn't good, and Levi knew it. He wasn't supposed to have an excuse to look eren in the eyes while he was also looking back at him, aware of his gaze. 

Once more, the phone's ringing filled the small room, and Levi relaxed at the annoying tone. 

“I should probably get going,” he told Eren, motioning toward the phone, “or I'm going to be murdered when I come home.” Levi chuckled dryly, handing Eren one of his cards. 

“I'm sorry this is so abrupt, but let's just have our first real session next Friday. If anything comes up or you're feeling too bad, my number’s on the card.”

Eren's mouth opened for a second, then it was shut again. He grinned at the older man. “Good luck with your girlfriend then,” he said sweetly, adding a 'goodnight and see you next week,’ as he wandered out of the door and Levi picked the phone up. 

..

“And I swear to god Armin, I even got his number. I was literally so nervous being in the same room as him, I could hardly remember what to say at some of the questions. Thank you so much, you evil little genius, I'd have never been able to pull this off without you.” 

“Did you go all the way through with the plan?” Armin, on the other end of the line, asked as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. 

“I think I'm gay,” he mimicked his words from earlier, “I almost convinced myself that I have any problem at all with being gay.” Eren grinned, widely. 

“You're kind of obsessive sometimes, have I told you before? You've been trying to get him to notice you since your father hired the guy.” 

“I prefer the term strong-willed. And besides, dear Armin, obsessive is only sad when it's one-sided and even though we had a rocky start, I'm on his mind now. I can work with that,” he declared, wondering what next Friday would bring and whether this had really just sounded as creepy as it did in his head. 

 

 


End file.
